Definition

Split-second: n

The time it takes Olivia to eat two hot dogs = the time it takes me to put a single piece of bread in the toaster. 

What Good Is The Internet If You’re Dead?

I feel sorry for all those third-world kids with the laptops who can now see the bazillion or so blogs of “What I Ate Today”.

Bazillion is so a real number. Google doesn’t lie.

. . . In A Handbasket

Breakfast: leftover chocolate chip pancakes.

Lunch: handful of marshmallows.

Dinner: unknown, but probably the leftover Orange Chicken concoction (which I love).

Yes, my amazing wife is out of town.

Yes, it is Finals week.

Yes, I have all four children.

Sure, we’re doing great. Pay no attention to that fire.

Why?

Why is it that as soon as we put the kids to sleep—and they actually are sleeping—the ice cream truck comes by with its annoying ringing bell, the mailman dumps junkmail in our box with a loud thud, the street sweeper truck takes his sweet time on our part of the street (not that I mind a clean street), and the neighbors have a friend who shows up and blares their horn?

Public notice to Kansas City: you are not an island; you do not live by yourself; you do have neighbors. I’m one of them, and my kids need their nap.

Thanks for listening.