NYTimes Slideshow

From the NYTimes, here is a slideshow of just before and after Bhutto’s assassination. This was a suicide bombing, so don’t expect G-rated images.

Atrocious.

It’s frustrating that those who disagree with another would resort to the lowest form interaction: violence.

And Pakistan's official position is not that she was assassinated, but that she bumped her head and died. Yeah, because that's what happens to the opposition. They bump their heads.

“I Shall Return,” Said Someone Famous

It has been a long four months since I last posted. Kudos to the twelve of you who check in vain hope that I will have posted something that week.

This being in school thing is . . . all-consuming. It’s even harder when you have a big family and have to figure out how to make money in the mean time. Note to future generations: the big flub of the last fifteen years of my life was neglecting to do school while I had the freedom of being single with no kids. It would have been so much easier. And I would have remembered algebra and geometry.

This past semester (I took my last final yesterday) was the hardest so far: Psychology (Development Over the Lifespan), Algebra and Microbiology. In psych I submitted a position paper that was pretty decent. I got an A for the semester. In algebra I got a B, and I didn’t even do any homework. Sooner or later I’ll have to figure out how to factor and divide polynomials. But I’ll never use it in the real world.

This is one of the frustrating things to me about higher math . . . it is rarely used in real life. When is the last time you had to divide 2–7/4ths by 11/13ths? Sure you could do it if you absolutely had to, but most real world situations are quite simple.

I had an epiphany during math class. Most other subjects have natural problems that can be figured out. Science looks for DNA structure and enzymatic interactions, for instance. They didn’t create the problem, they’re just trying to figure it out. But math creates its own problems. It’s built-in job security.

More to come.

Micro Grade

I’m still waiting on my Micro grade. Really bad stuff will happen if I don’t get a C. I’ve been on the edge the whole semester, so we’ll see. Twenty more minutes til it posts.

And counting.

Update: I got a C. Home-free.

On to the next semester.

And 1

By the way, we had a baby boy on July 19th. The score is now 3 to 1 in the final quarter. No overtime is expected.

Named him Samuel Michael. For his nickname, we’re going to call him “quits”. [Think about it for a minute.]

Yep, I’m almost a month late in posting this . . . many apologies. If I listed out our month you would call me a liar. A friend quipped that we need our own personal intercessors for the family; she wasn’t kidding.

Back to Samuel. He’s been awake every night from about 11PM to 5AM. I think it’s called colic. It sure ain’t called “a good night's rest”. Amy and I have switched every few hours so we get at least a little sleep. It’s my shift right now.

You see this in sitcoms: ugly baby and nobody wants to break the news to the happy parents. Can I just say we’re not like that. We had two cute babies and two “precious” babies (that’s code for “take it back now, I just can't stand to look”).

Samuel didn’t start out so well, but he’s working out his issues. One thing in his favor is that he has had a full head of ultra-soft hair since day one; we’re talking jealous silkworms and stuff. And he eats like a champ, thus the colic-ish-iness.

The still-life slideshow starts below.

A Thousand Pardons

My most desperate apologies go out to the few readers left who still sneak a peek at this blog. Obviously I haven’t kept up with it, even though I had good enough intentions.

I could go through the reasons, but that would be boring.

I could make up a fantastical story, but that would take a lot of time. And I’m short on that at the moment.

So how about a peace offering of sorts ... a thought I had the other day ... something to ponder.

I told one of my girls that I love them and they said, “Love you, Daddy.” After a minute of gushing, I had a strange thought: what would a two or three year old know about love? While it doesn’t diminish the way I feel as their father when they say it to me, they certainly do not know the depth of emotion or lengths I would go to when I say “love”. In a way, it almost seems silly to hear young children say “love”, but as their parents, it moves our hearts even though we recognize that they do not know the extent of what it means to love.

And so it is with God.

He says He loves us—with a depth of emotion incomprehensible, and the lengths of eternity He would go to is unimaginable—and we say we love Him back. Our intentions are true, but they are still short of His reality. He knows what He means (and what we mean), but we don’t know the depth of what He means ... sometimes we don’t even know what we mean. Really, now, how much could we possibly comprehend compared with the God whose name actually is Love?

Yet, even with knowing all of that, God’s heart is still moved to the point of gushing whenever we glance His direction ... whenever “love” crosses our lips.

He is moved by our love.

Olivia Is Coming Home

We were told Olivia could go home today, Saturday. It’s just a matter of the highly secretive and enigmatic “Blue Team” writing the orders. Which makes me wonder, does it take long for an entire team to write “Go home” on a sheet of paper?

They took out Olivia’s chest drainage tubes yesterday, which I hear feels like burning. Thank goodness for morphine.



Olivia has been playing peekaboo with herself, grabbing at her toes, and doing a full-body squirm when she gets excited. We’ve been playing a bit and I’ve gotten to hold her a little as well.

Overall, seeing that she’s just had a major surgery and discounting the “smoker’s husk” her voice has going on, she’s doing quite well.

One picture below: Olivia awake with the staples in her chest.

Silver Lining

I'm at the hospital and Olivia has been asleep for most of the day, but when she woke up tonight around 9PM, she graced us with her personality again...

She started to whine a little, but when I said her name and walked toward her, she turned to me and smiled.

She's getting back to herself already. And only thirty hours after her surgery.

Amazing.

Olivia's Surgery, Day Two

Alrighty, here's an update. I'll use bullet points so I don't ramble.

—Olivia's (bi-directional) Glenn procedure is done. The complete Fontan repair will happen between 2-1/2 and 3-1/2 years old.
—Her O2 sats average 78–85, which is great for her, but bad compared to normal people; everyone else's oxygen saturation levels in their blood hover right at 100%. She'll average 95–100 after the Fontan.
—She is still a bit blue-ish, which is normal for right now since her body is getting use to the passive blood flow from the top of her body due to the mechanics of the Glenn procedure.
—Her puffiness from the procedure is going down.
—She still has staples in, of course.
—As of about 4PM on Tuesday, we have been moved to a regular room.
—She was on a few meds to stabilize her, but she's dropped down to a mix of Morphine and Oxycodone (codeine) and Motrin for pain, and a bit of Lasix which helps wick away excessive moisture from organs.
—She hasn't given us any urine since this morning, so we put in a catheter and got a bit out.
—Other than that, she's sleeping well.
—She hasn't shown us any signs that she really recognizes us yet, but she hasn't been awake for that long at a time either, so I'm not too worried. She still probably has a massive headache, and she's very sore. When she is up, she is limited in her movements due to pain and IVs and stuff, so that has to be frustrating.
—Even though she gets a bit upset when she is awake, she calms easily.
—She has two Blake drainage bulbs for either side of her chest cavity; these pull out liquids that are running loose. So far they said our stay has a lot to do with how those keep draining. The sooner they clear up, the sooner they will send us home ... but at the moment it looks like Monday or Tuesday since they are still pretty chylous (cream colored instead of red/pink, meaning there's drainage from her lymph system that seems to be more than the blood concentration).

Time to try to feed her.

And now, for the weak of stomach, avoid scrolling down. I am posting a few post-op pictures below. Click on them to enlarge them.

Olivia’s Midnight Update

I just talked with the nurse:
—Olivia woke up on her own and fussed a little. I would if I had a tube down my throat, too.
—So they extubated her (no more breathing tube).
—She’s been breathing on her own now for a little while.
—She went right back to sleep.
—She may get her arterial line taken out tonight or tomorrow morning. This is the line that is basically floating in an artery to measure pressure and heart rate.
—Her central line may come out tomorrow. This is inserted under her collarbone into a main artery so they can administer meds quickly if need be.
—She has been weaned off ... something that starts with a D. It helps her heart.
—She is on Nipride®, a vasodilator which helps open up the vasculature to take pressure off that system (stemming hypertension) after things like major surgery.
—She is also on Nitroglycerin, which is a vasodilator as well.
—Olivia is also on something else that begins with an M. I think it’s for pain management.
—She is turning a bit more pink since they have given her some blood.
—They may try to give her some clear liquids (Pedialiyte®) tonight if she seems hungry.
—One more piece of great news. If she keeps doing as well as she's doing now, they may move her to a regular room tomorrow! Incredible!

I’ll be there by about 8:30AM tomorrow morning. So I need to sleep. I’ll get pictures tomorrow.

About Olivia's Procedures

This is a post for the info-minded. And it's not short.

Many have asked what kind of surgery Olivia had, what makes it different from the next surgery and how it all works. While my understanding is still limited, I'll try to point you in the right direction.

First, here's a normal heart, followed by a Tetralogy of Fallot heart, which is what Olivia has been dealing with.



Olivia has a heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot (rhymes with shallow, with the emphasis on the last syllable). Also see here and here and here for great info on TOF. “Tetra” means four, as in the popular game Tetris in which four squares are arranged in shapes that must be fit together in rows to gain points. Tetralogy, then, is the study of a series of four heart defects categorized by a frenchman named Etienne Fallot around 1888.

As some of you have noticed with Olivia, infants and children with tetralogy of Fallot usually have blue-tinged skin (cyanosis), lips, nail beds and any other part of the body where blood flow is close to the surface of the skin. It is more pronounced especially during times of exertion. As you can see from the picture, Olivia had a ventricular septal defect (VSD), which is a hole in the wall that separates the left and right ventricles. This hole can be small or large, but Olivia's was quite large; more than three-quarters of the entire span of her heart, which made it impossible to repair the hole. [Click here for some key points about TOF.]

As seen in the last link, a week after Olivia was born, she had a Blalock-Taussig shunt (BT shunt) put in. It's an artificial Gortex™ artery intended to put more oxygen-rich blood into her heart to be pumped out through her body. The problem is, with that VSD, once the oxygen-rich blood was pumped into her heart, it mixed with the blood coming back from the body that had already delivered its oxygen payload ... oxygen-rich blood + oxygen-depleted blood = oxygen-diluted blood. She wasn't getting enough oxygenated blood pumping throughout her body, which brings us to the current surgery. The BT shunt was just buying some time until her body could handle some major open-heart surgery.


The surgery she just had is called a Glenn and the next one will be a complete Fontan repair, which is the final step in this two-step process.

From the Mayo Clinic site:
“Often, children with [TOF] require more than one surgery. The goal of these surgeries is to create sufficient blood flow into and out of the heart and lungs, allowing your baby's body to receive the proper amount of oxygen-rich blood.”

“The first step, sometimes called a bi-directional Glenn or hemi-Fontan, is typically performed around four to six months of age. It reduces the work of the right ventricle by allowing it to pump blood mainly to the aorta and allowing most of the blood returning from the body to flow directly into the lungs. After this operation, all the blood returning from the upper body is sent to the lungs, so blood with more oxygen is pumped to the aorta to supply organs and tissues throughout the body.” And another paragraph: “The Glenn procedure: When babies have outgrown the [BT] shunt, they often require a surgery that sets the stage for the Fontan procedure. Doctors usually perform the Glenn procedure when a child is about 6 months old. It connects one of the large veins that return blood to the heart (superior vena cava) to the pulmonary artery. This allows oxygen-poor blood to flow directly to the lungs. The procedure reduces the workload on the left ventricle, decreasing the risk of damage to it.”

“The second step, called the Fontan procedure, is done between 18 months and 3 years of age, [but they are planning on doing this between ages 2-1/2 and 3-1/2 in Olivia]. It allows the rest of the blood coming back from the body to go to the lungs. After this procedure, there's no mixing of oxygen-rich and oxygen-poor blood in the heart, so [Olivia's] skin will no longer look blue.” And another paragraph: “A surgery called the Fontan procedure is the best option for treatment ... During a Fontan surgery, the surgeon creates a path for the oxygen-poor blood returning to the heart to flow directly into the pulmonary arteries, which then pump the blood into the lungs.”

Summaries are supposed to be shorter, I know, but hopefully this better explains what she's going through.

Thanks for all the prayers and calls. The surgical team was outstanding and Olivia is doing well.

Olivia's Surgery Complete

Friends and Family,

Olivia's surgery is complete. It went very well and the surgical team is very happy with the results. They chose not to insert the middle wall in her heart; instead, they basically rerouted all the blood to make it go in the top of the heart (the atriums) and come out the bottom (the ventricles) to the rest of her body.

Olivia will be fine until about two or three years old, at which time she will need to have one more surgery to complete the re-routing of the blood (called a Fontan procedure).

Reasons for not putting in the middle wall:
—Not enough heart muscle to sew on to.
—Too much wall to reconstruct.
—Reconstructing the wall would most likely have led to a heart attack.
—Reconstructing the wall would have been more of a "messy" procedure, and it would have led to at least 3 or 4 more surgeries through age 18.
—Doing the in-the-top-out-the-bottom surgery will only necessitate one more surgery at age 2 or three.

The plan for the rest of the day:
—Olivia has enough anesthesia to keep her comfortable for a few hours, so they will let it wear off and allow her to rouse herself and start breathing on her own (she's on a breathing machine now).
—They will take out the breathing tube this evening once she has proven she is breathing on her own.
—She will be given enough pain medicine to keep her comfortable (and sleeping) for the rest of today and into tomorrow morning.
—She is on three normal medicines now, but they should be weaned by tonight or tomorrow.
—Amy and I are spending time with Kayla and Maddie. Once they are in bed, we will go back to the hospital.

Olivia will be in the hospital for about the next week or two as she recuperates. Thanks for all your prayers!

Pre-op Done

We were at the hospital today for a total of ... too long. Now I know why they set up an entire day just to get you checked in—because it takes an entire day just to get you checked in.

EKG, lots of walking, find the “elephant” elevator, ECG, X-rays, find the “unicorn” elevator, blood draw, more walking, find the “rocket” elevator and the six stair steps, RSV test (negative ... yeah, boyee!), consult with the surgeon, walk some more, find the same day surgery clinic ... no, the same day surgery admin clinic, consult with the nurse anesthesiologist (anyone want to make $170,000 starting salary?), how many times is someone going to take her blood pressure, measure her head circumference, her height and her weight?, walk even more, are we done yet?, one more thing and I hear it includes walking...

We found out that Versed, normally a sedative, did not sedate Olivia for more than about five or ten minutes.

We found out that when she hasn't eaten since 2:30AM, she will drink or eat anything ... weak apple juice, the shoulder you prop her on, or the random finger of a nurse. Nurse Cathy, how are those stitches looking? Yeah, sorry about that. She was famished. I think I even heard Olivia said, “Carrrrrrrne asada!”

We also found that Olivia's colorful and inspiring butterfly toy is only inspiring in short bursts ... meaning, for those two hours between naps. In the same vein, we found that daddy is only funny to her between naps as well. And needles are never funny.

It's 1AM and I need to wake her up and feed her. Verse for the night: “We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed.”

Olivia's Surgery Is Scheduled

Just wanted to give a quick update on Olivia.

She has been getting more and more blue on a regular basis, so we have scheduled her heart surgery. Her pre-op is on Friday March 16th (heavy-duty EKG and such), and her surgery is on Monday the 19th. She should be at Children's Mercy Hospital downtown for around two weeks or so and we'll be in and out each day, with one of us staying overnight each night.

What will they do for this surgery? Glad you asked.
—Cut open her chest
—Put her on heart and lung bypass
—Take out her heart
—Cut it in half
—Insert a synthetic middle wall made of Gortex or Dacron
—Sew her heart back together
—Put it back in her body
—Jumpstart her heart again
—Sew her back up
All this will take about 5 or 6 hours.

Olivia is the happiest little girl we've ever seen, so we hope this whole ordeal doesn't change that ... I can't imagine why it would, but it sure is a lot for a seven-month-old to go through.

We would appreciate your prayers for Olivia (and pitch one for Amy, too ... moms have a unique way of carrying more than their fair share).

I'll give more info soon.

Wish I Could Claim It

Amy is away for the weekend with her mom's group, which means I have the girls all to myself. It should be a great time for them. I wish I could say I came up with the idea, but how about if I just take partial credit for letting her go?

Now, let's see, what's for dinner? Waffles are easy.

Captions Game

Welcome to the captions game. Take a look and come up with a caption or three.

Check It Off The List

—Completed an assignment for a Philosophy class, complete with my choice of words: non-sequitur, apophatic philosophy, axiom and surd. Where else can you quote Descartes, Einstein, Ecclesiastes and C.S. Lewis, and throw in an avalanche and the 1755 Lisbon earhquake as examples? I love this stuff.
—Made a John Mayer station on Pandora.com. Free music of your choice is awesome.
—Talked with my younger brother. Ten years difference; still chasing after God; everything is yours if you are God's.
—Regrouted and caulked our bathroom tub. For a perfectionist, this takes longer than it sounds like it should.
—Wrote a busy schedule for tomorrow ... including playing drums at IHOP.
—Played with my girls. Some of the best times of my life.
—Encouraged Amy to buy makeup—the once a year purchase. [UPDATE: For all the confused guys, it's skin care, not makeup. The difference is makeup is what you paint on (which can either be good for your skin or bad for your skin), skin care is the in between stuff like cleanser, toner (whatthe?), astringent (again, whatthe?), eye cream and the like.] How many husbands actually do this? Gentlemen, three questions for you: what do you want her to look like in twenty years, or fifty? And how much is her self-confidence worth to your relationship? Lastly, how many things do you spend money on that can last an entire year? The cheap stuff makes you paint it on heavier each year to cover the damage being continually done. But the better stuff continually reveals the beauty residing in her. This isn't “slather it on so you look good,” this is taking care of your body while drawing out inherent beauty. Like most people, I am moved by beauty, but Amy ... oh, she compels greatness in every area of my soul more than the passing of the moon compels the greatness of daybreak.
—Bartered for fair wage at a part-time job.
—Worried that Kayla knows more about Starbucks than about shapes and colors.
—Listened to a little Marc Broussard.
—Caught the mouse. Amy stayed on the couch and screamed while I chased it down the hallway, both of us slipping on the wood floors like a cartoon, and finally caught it under a spaghetti strainer. Easier to see that he's still there with a strainer. Slipped a glue trap under and waited for him to get stuck. You'll have to imagine the rest. RIP.
—Discussed with Amy when and how to approach a fellow Christian friend about their foray (if there is such a thing) into homosexuality.
—Stayed up too late for my busy day tomorrow.
—Got an iced peppermint mocha. Good stuff. Iced is great for spring or summer, hot is great for autumn and winter. It's the do-it-all drink for each season.

House For Sale

Does anyone want to buy our house? Spread the word: we are selling and moving to Washington state sometime in the middle of May or so. We will sell or rent, we just need to figure it out soon so we can plan Olivia's surgery and a few other details.

More to come, but the short version is we are getting ready to have our fourth child in under three-and-a-half years, so when Amy's family said they might be interested in helping out a little bit, it was music to our ears.

Olivia's Procedure

Everything went quite well. She was swollen due to the IVs and anesthesia they used, but once she woke up she was flailing around like normal and really happy.

They told us they will be able to completely repair her heart with the better of the two surgeries, meaning she will be normal when it is all finished. They are not completely sure of the surgery date yet, but we should know within a few weeks.

It's A Boy!

Yes, one and all, we are having a boy! The sonogram was conclusive. Thanks for playing "Guess the gender".

Olivia

Olivia is having a cardiac catheterization today. Basically, they cut into her leg and insert a tube in her femoral artery to run a bunch of tests on her heart, like testing the various pressures between each valve and the volume they are pumping, as well as a 3D diagram of the chambers, aortas, etc. They are trying to figure out which kind of surgery she can have and how soon.

There are two types of surgery being considered. The first type will completely repair the hole in her heart so she will be "normal"; it's the best type she can have at the moment. The second type won't repair the hole, it will just reroute all the bloodflow so it will go in the top and out the bottom to the rest of the body, instead of making a figure eight while using both sides of her heart (one big chamber instead of two).

Amy and Olivia are at the hospital and I am at home with the girls since we couldn't nab a babysitter in time. One of us may have to stay overnight if they don't release her, but since it is a straightforward procedure, we're hoping to bring her home this evening.

We want to give a shout out to Lindsey, Olivia's nurse at St. Luke's. She was amazing. She wrote us yesterday to see how we all were doing ... she's just that kind of person.

We'll let you know how it turns out today. Thanks for all your prayers for Olivia.

We Know What We're Having

Amy went to the doctor's office today and had a sonogram. Sign in with your guesses and we'll let you know who is right. Keep in mind, we have all girls ... so what are our statistical chances? Hmmm. Lots to think about.

Ode to a Mouse

It's been three weeks now; you're superior, I'll admit.
I've seen you and heard you, but you won't take a hit.
With each trap we've tried, whether glue or spring-type
You've dined at Chez Farmer's on PB and cheese—so ripe.

I remember the time you ran down our hall
Kayla was scared, but you were having a ball.
Rumor has it you hide in toasters, like bread.
I start mine each morning in hopes you'll turn up dead.

You gnaw and scratch and run within the walls.
Remodeling—with a flame-thrower—I feel is my call.
With one last attempt, some PB on glue,
The sticky buffet at Chez Farmer's awaits the frustrating shrew.

TinkerTool

A Mac will let you customize a lot of things, but it could still do a bit more. That's where TinkerTool comes in. It's freeware that gives a whole new level of control over your Dock, Finder, Safari, fonts, etc. And you can revert back to how it was before you started tinkering with it by clicking one button.

For instance, any font in your font book can be used anywhere on your system, and can even override webpage fonts. For people who are particular (like me), this is a good thing. My favorite fonts on my Web. I love it.

Quote of the Day

"Please consult your physician before using this or any other exercise equipment. The manufacturers assume no responsibility for improper use or any injury that may result."

This disclaimer is on the back of a pair of ultra-thin, super-slippery $1 microfiber workout socks from Target. Talk about covering your bases.

In layman's terms, please don't use this sock to:
—function as a helmet
—cover your entire body like an impervious shield as you dive into a volcano
—cover your entire body like a life-giving bubble as you search the Titanic wreckage
—cover your entire body
—be your baseball glove
—protect yourself in a paintball game
—keep you safe so sticks and stones won't break your bones
—shoo away lime disease

Amy's Birthday!!!

Today is Amy's birthday.

She's at an Aveda salon getting a facial and loving every minute of it, I'm sure. She definitely deserves every bit of pampering she can get.

Happy birthday, hun.

Speak Klingon?

For those using a Mac (which should be all critical thinking types), did you know your system is bogged down with needless languages for every program on your hard drive? Yeah, the only bigger waste would be to bog down your computer with the bloated Windows OS.

There's a complicated way to get rid of the eighty languages you will never use, but simple is always the way to go.

I just got rid of everything but English, German, French and Spanish (just in case) and it gave me an extra gig of free space. (Thanks to R-Boh for the link.)

Pictures

Our kids are the flippin' cutest you've ever seen. And they're not camera-shy, so I added a few pictures to our Flickr account. Look to the right where the snapshots are cycling, click on "Farmer Family Pictures" and then on jfjudah. Here's a few not up yet.

Names

Seeing as this will be our fifth baby in less than five years, we're fresh out of names. We don't know if this baby will be a boy or girl, but if you've got any suggestions, let us know. Otherwise we may be stuck with something from Beowulf that begins with an H ... and trust me, that doesn't work so well outside of an epic poem set in Dane-land.


And, no, Leroy isn't in the mix, you IHOPers. But, what else you got?

You Know You've Hit the Bigtime When...

...none other than this guy comes calling.

We in the IT office at IHOP received a voicemail today (well, two actually) that went something like this.

"Hi. I'm looking for Mike Bickle, but the phone system dumped me to this extension. My name is Stephen Baldwin. I have been an actor for over fifteen years and now I have a ministry. If you need to find out about me you can go to stephenbaldwin.com ... that's Stephen with a P-H. Ummm, I am trying to reach Mike Bickle ... and Corey Russell if I can. I connect different Christian ministries together. My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. That's XXX-XXX-XXXX. And that's my personal cell number here in New York."

Then he called back a second time and left almost the same message. In case we didn't get it the first time.

We laughed because we thought it was a prank. But it was real apparently.

You heard it here first.

Pregnant

We are.

Happy New Year!