Refuge Theology, Part One

Some have asked and/or wondered why I entitled my blog "The Refuge," so I would like to attempt to explain it a bit. This will take quite a few posts, so I'll start with laying a foundation.

Here at the International House of Prayer (IHOP), we teach that there are three dominant faces of God that He is revealing at this hour of history: The Bridegroom, The King and The Judge.


KING
Revelation 4 says there is ONE seated on an eternal throne. In the way He administrates all of human history, God is a wise and sovereign King (translation: He's really, really smart and really, really strong). He raises earthly rulers and brings them low; He promotes and tears down; He cause one nation to be moved and another to be immovable; He hardens the hearts of some and softens the hearts of others; He sets out laws of nature (seasons and gravity, for instance) and laws of function (sowing and reaping, for instance); He controls everything big, like solar systems, and everything miniscule, like quarks; He has dominion over the seen and the unseen, and the spiritual and the natural. And, now think about this, He does it all without violating any person's free will--at all. He is the sovereign and wise King.


BRIDEGROOM
In the core of His being, He is a passionate Bridegroom. His heart is ravished over us, and this overflowing heart of desire and delight is what motivates Him every second of every day. In everything that He does, whether it is bringing blessing or pain into our lives, it is from His overflowing heart of love and desire. "God is LOVE," says the Apostle John. That means, in the deepest part of the triune God is tenderness, affection and longing; a voracious desire so reckless in its pursuit that He would look at death and count it as joy if it stood a chance of winning your love for Him. As much as a man longs for a woman, so God longs for you. The Bible begins with a wedding between the first man and woman, and it ends with a wedding celebration. Throughout the middle are countless pictures of Jesus, the heavenly Bridegroom, and the believer, the Bride. Look at Esther and the king, Hosea and Gomer, Isaiah and Israel, Jeremiah and Israel, the Song of Solomon, and many of the New Testament parables. In fact, when God speaks in the Old Testament, it is many times (you could almost say "most times") as a lovesick Husband who is longing for His bride. "The Father's love was so overwhelming, He sent Jesus, the eternal romantic, to Earth. With joy in His heart, Jesus gave His life for us. All we need to do is say yes to His love and we will never perish, but will be with Him forever and partake of love together for all eternity (John 3:16)." Yes, God is a passionate Bridegroom and the redeemed are His Bride.


JUDGE
In all of His ways, God is the righteous and good Judge. Only a being with a heart of love can judge rightly; and if we are to be honest, that is the only kind of judge we want. Just think, if He did not know everything (lacking the "wise and sovereign King" part), and if He did not have love or mercy for EVERY person (lacking the "passionate Bridegroom" part), that would make Him a foolish, biased controller--evil in all His ways...without goodness in any form. We NEED a righteous and good Judge. We could not stand under the weight or scrutiny of anything less. The book of Revelation says that He will personally come to every single individual and wipe away every tear. On that day He will come to me, speak of that which I have gone through, and supernaturally touch every pain I have ever felt that has not already been taken care of. He will demand payment for pain. The scary part is, I know I have hurt others as well; that is one reason why I need a good and righteous Judge.

QUESTION
So then, how do we reconcile the heart of the Bridegroom with the face of the Judge? How can a passionate God appear on the Earth at the end and, with His bare hands, kill those in positions of authority who have ravaged mankind? How can the "God who so loves the world" take the scroll from the Father, break the seals and loose calamity upon tragedy upon death upon destruction across the entire world? How can He kill a third and then a fourth of mankind? How can He do all these things if He is so loving? [Rev. 5:9; 6:1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 12; 16:1, and the kicker 16:9 ... Jesus has control over the plagues]

Amongst the Church, reconciling the heart of the Bridegroom with the face of the Judge seems to be quite difficult. The King part is okay, but the other two are hard. They seem like complete opposites, but it is very clear that it is the Lord. What's more, if you can see Him as He truly is you will fall more madly in love with Him for it.

I will leave you with no answers for tonight in hopes that you will wrestle with Him and pursue Him in all His glory--the great and the terrible, the passion and the fury. For our invitation is to make the Lord our Refuge, and the only way to make Him our Refuge is to wrestle with Him over the issues that plague our heart and mind. He is not afraid of our questions. Neither must we be; for just as life is in the journey, the answers are actually IN the wrestling.

Good Friends

My sister-in-law kindly pointed out that I have been slacking on my blog. Many apologies, Elizabeth; thank you for saving me from my non-posting ways.

Some friends stopped by briefly tonight. The DuPre family was here at IHOP before it started, were instumental in helping it build, and recently moved to the Nashville area. They were visiting some friends and family here in KC for Thanksgiving and stopped by our house. They are an incredible family: loving, kind and real. A few years ago, we lost our first baby girl (Hannah Grace) during birth. They were there for us in an incredible way.

One night soon after, Chris unexpectedly showed up at our door, movie in hand. He didn't rattle off some verses or doctrine, he was just there for us and demonstrated his love for us in practical ways. He helped our hearts on our pathway of healing and showed the tender heart of the Father to us in flesh.



Thanks for coming by tonight. We love you and miss having you guys closer, but we're glad to see how the Father is leading you on.

Strange Thoughts

Ever say something out loud and it reminds you of a song? That happened to me today.

Amy and I took the girls to a very nice park today ... the first 65 degree day we've had in a few weeks. LOVIN' IT! And with an Italian name like "Migliazzo", this park has to be cool. They've got huge grassy areas, willow trees, rolling hills, and all the children's slides and swings they can handle (all on a cork mat instead of sand, which makes for a bouncy fall). But they also have geese that love to swim in the pond. And eat the grass.

And when they eat their fill, they do what any other animal does: drops off the "kids" at the pool. Poop. Goose poop. Little goose poop. Are you hearing the same Beach Boys golden-oldie song I'm hearing?

"Little goose poop, you don't know what I got."

Latte To Go, Please

Well, we officially decided we couldn't keep the rabbit, so while the girls slept I took Latte to Wayside Waifs, our local humane society, and changed his name for our protection. Yes, the "humane" society also "puts animals down" if they aren't adopted. Echoing the newscaster who watched the Hindenburg Zeppelin doing the airborne version of the Titanic, "Oh, the humanity!" Okay, that was really more of an inner monologue ... nevermind.

Anywho, you wouldn't believe the amount of paperwork you have to fill out before you can drop off a rabbit. I spent more time doing that than actually having the rabbit. One sentence I had to initial said something about, "I understand I will not be contacted concerning the animal's final disposition, including adoption, death, or euthanasia." That's fine, just keep him away from the python owners please. Snakes don't deserve good Thanksgiving meals.



We have spent the last few days trying to get Maddie's room to not smell like rabbit funk: plug-ins, scented oils, oils with a fan, Nature's Miracle, you name it. I'm to the point now that I'm almost ready to take up smoking to cover up the smell. Or maybe getting a dog would work. Nah, they're both too expensive at this point, and I can't say I have the patience for either.

In other news, Kayla is officially a Mensa inductee. The other day she ripped out the word aardvark in all its pristine glory. Ah, yes, the wonders of Sesame Street. And Maddie can get up on all fours (though she hasn't actually crawled yet) and sit unassisted in the middle of the floor and play with her toys. Someone's been eating their Wheaties ... it's closer to juicy oatmeal but at that age, who cares?

A Closer Look at Forgiveness

It's interesting to think about God forgiving our past, present and future sins. He knows everything that we will ever do wrong, and with one sweep of His hand, He has thrown all of it into the sea of forgetfulness. All of it is gone. Yes, all of it.

So, then, what is it exactly that we are doing when we come to Him and "ask His forgiveness" for a certain sin? If it's already gone, what is the point? How can you ask Him to take away what has already been taken away?

To me, I don't really think we are asking for "forgiveness" in the way we are accustomed to understanding it; rather we are asking for a restoration of fellowship, the closeness of intimacy, the touch of love on our hearts from His heart--all the things we lost when our sin separated us from who He is ... holy, majestic, pure, good, righteous. We are simply asking for restoration, for the cleanliness that comes from being close to God.

We are echoing Psalms 51:10-12 that has been made into a simple song. "Create in me a clean heart, oh God. And renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from you presence, oh God. Take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation, and renew a right spirit within me." Hmmmm ... interesting how forgiveness isn't mentioned in this song, but the qualities of closeness, intimacy, recovery and restoration are.

Just like in football, we have lost something and we want it recovered. "The Spirit of the Lord is on me [Jesus here], because He has anointed me ... to proclaim ... recovery (Luke 4:18) ... " One of Jesus' messages was that He came to give us what we desire most--relationship with God.

Great Lovers

Piggy-backing on my last post, here's another thought.

It's quite possible that those who have the greatest potential to be the greatest lovers of God are the ones who have had the most greivous history. They are not discounted, but invited.

Forgiven Much

I was thinking this morning about the "whomever is forgiven much, loves much" verse. It dawned on me that my whole life has been forgiven; not just my past stuff, the future stuff as well. And if it's all gone, then what else do I have to spend my energies on but loving God? I don't have to pay a penance or try to explain it away ... it's already gone and it's already paid for.

This is funny to think about, but if we keep talking to God about what doesn't exist anymore (from His perspective), wouldn't that be pretty boring to Him? Why not discuss something more real, something that will last for longer than just my life, something eternal, something Divine? We should talk to Him about Him. We should talk to Him about loving Him.

My whole life's forgiven, now my whole life is love.

Baby Steps Are For Babies

Yesterday Amy and I decided we're going to give ourselves to IHOP in a more full way. Within an hour she was on a team and singing four times a week. Now it's my turn to find a team to play drums on. As far as I can tell, though, everyone is pretty much full so I'll just be filling in for a little while.

Other than that, she's doing Starbucks 'til around noon five days a week and I am taking on a lot of writing and editing. We're going to be raising support as full-time missionaries here in Kansas City and putting some effort behind building an internet business.

It's weird. I've had some jobs that made me feel like I was so busy, I didn't have time to pardon my sneezes. I feel it even more now. It feels bigger, more weighty--lots more responsibility and pressure. But it's mixed with joy and peace, two things that haven't neccessarily been overflowing in the recent past. I'm just in a weird spot at the moment and I can't say that I know how to explain it.

I do know, however, that all these steps are huge--enormous. Starting a business, raising support as missionaries, switching careers mid-stream... not small things. I've always been an all or nothing type of guy, but it's a different story when you have a family to care for. The risks are greater, more immediate.

There's something frightening and exhilarating about making God your safety net.

Pictures

Our wonderful friend, Jenny Powell, took pictures of our girls a few days ago. We got them back today and immediately put them in "slideshow mode" so we could check them out. I'm going to put a few on here, but I plan to create an entire link dedicated solely to pictures in the near future...the only question is when. But for now, enjoy. And a gigantic thank you goes out to the illustrious Jenny--you're awesome!

QOTD

Today's QOTD is from the introduction to Dwayne Roberts' upcoming book, One Thing.

"Most everything in the Western world is aimed at arresting your attention. Every advertisement, every piece of entertainment, and every gotta-have-it item has taken aim at the core of who you are: one giant hunger. And they are offering their answer: fascination. In one form or another, each one says, “We know who you are, and we have what you want.” Ironically, they are more honest about our hearts than the church has been.

On one hand, we have hunger. We are driven, we desire, and we want. Beyond the basic needs of sustenance and shelter, this hunger is the undeniably real part of us that makes us human. For some reason we don’t just settle--we want “the finer things in life.” In the same way that any old antelope would feed a cheetah, soybean burgers and water will fill our stomachs. But steak and lobster would be better. I’ve never run across a disgruntled ant that has had enough with foraging and carrying stuff. For us, any job will pay the bills, but wouldn’t that other position be much better? And while a bear gets one new coat a year, we’d like to have a few new outfits each season. It has little to do with snobbery, greed, or gluttony, but with the eternal hunger God has put within us. Every once in a while we certainly get a bit off track with how we allow this hunger to materialize in our life, but that doesn’t mean it is either evil or non-existent. It just means it is misguided and in need of an adjustment.

On the other hand, we have fascination. We are one deep hunger, and the bulk of our time, energy and resources is spent trying to satisfy that hunger with a lasting fascination. If desire is what drives us, fascination is what keeps us. All sorts of futile pleasures besides God are stealing the heart of this generation, which brings me to why I wrote this book.

After talking with so many inside and outside of the Church, I can identify a pattern starting to emerge. It seems that both the saved and unsaved are crying out for truth, for reality, for the ability to know and feel what is truly eternal. They want something of eternity to fascinate them. Whether or not they will say it this way, they want God.

Through the centuries, the saints of old have been satisfied by God. But more than that, they have been completely won over to the point of leaving everything else in order to have Him as their reward, as their onething. At this time in history, I want to invite you into the same journey. Wherever you are in life, don’t cheat yourself—your calling is to be fascinated by God Himself. Not just facts and trivia about Him, not a ten-step program, not the coolest way to do worship or church…God Himself. Anything less is misguided foraging and second-rate soybean burgers.

Spiritual hunger is at an all-time high. Unlike any other time in history, this young adult generation is universally hungry for spiritual enlightenment. It’s evident from the sheer numbers. Right now, Islam is the fastest growing religion in America. The kicker is that many of the converts at one point pursued Jesus. This is not some silly competition to get bigger numbers; it is an alarming reality: in the process of pursuing God, while they were in Church, these people have lost their way. This is a horrifying thought. My fear is that they have gotten a glimpse of God and understood salvation, but the Church fed them shallow programs intended to keep them in the pews, instead of intending to keep them in love by helping them learn how to touch God Himself.

Spiritual hunger isn’t the only thing measuring off the charts. Right now, discontentment and disillusionment within the church is astronomical. According to the Barna Research Group (www.barna.org), the percentage of people who are believers but are not attending church is the highest it has ever been, especially in the twenty-five and younger crowd. Young adults are losing hope in the church and in what they are hearing from that mute and powerless structure, even though the options as far as what church to join are endless: the one with the plasma screen or the one that meets in the local bar, the mega-church or the “our four and no more”, the home group or the sub-culture ministry. I am not calling you to do church any particular way, I am inviting you to experience Jesus in the midst of church today. I think that church is vital to spiritual health, but in the midst of all our doing and going, throughout all the busyness of life, there is still only one thing necessary: experiencing the joys of touching Jesus.

There is one thing necessary. There is one thing fascinating. Your hunger is real; now let your fascination be eternal."

Read the Comments

Go ahead and read the comments...they're better than my posts usually. I'm referring to the comments section at the end of each post, but specifically at the end of my previous blabber (the one about strength). This is from one of my dear high school friends living on the east coast. Fret not, for it is deeper than you think; but even the mental picture of a flour-covered cat is enough to brighten anyone's day.

In other news, Amy and I are starting an internet business. We hope to see it grow to the size that it can support multiple families within the International House of Prayer world. Just think about that...supporting ENTIRE families, not just giving a little bit here and there, but investing in others in order to place them on the wall of perpetual intercession for the good of the city. We want to release people to live in their calling. If you live in the Kansas City area and would like to find out a little more about this, leave me a comment with a way to contact you and we'll connect within a few days.

Strong? Ummm, Not So Much

I have no idea what strength is. Mainly because I thought I was strong, thought I was secure, especially when it came to my job. Rich Mullins sang, "It took the hand of God Almighty to part the waters of the sea. But it only took one little lie to separate you and me. We are not as strong as we think we are."

Not having a job is shaking me. I truly believed I would have that job for quite some time. Heck, I was good at it; a hard worker; I knew my job and I did it well; I even took a lead role every day. How will I provide for my family now? How will I take care of them? What is my responsibility as husband and father? Where will the amounts of money we need every month come from?

When you get married and have kids, you automatically sign up for things you didn't understand 100 percent. You sign up to worry and care, to cultivate and love, to respect and cherish, to provide and protect, to adore and challenge, to grow and change. But you never really know what all that means until you are waist-deep in a situation. And the situations are never easy or cut-and-dry. They're complicated.

I am generally a positive person, but every once in a while I need reminders and a little boost; like today, for instance. I was so sure I was meant to be providing for my family (which, it is true, I should do everything within my sphere of influence to do), but I'm really, really sure GOD is supposed to be providing for them. I'm not talking about throwing up my hands in a huff and giving up because, "well, that's God's job...I am supposed to just sit here and wait for Him to wave His almighty hand and make everything sparkly-perfect." Puh-leeze, that's laziness, not faith. It's not even biblical. I'm not saying there aren't times to wait on God, but every time he says, "Wait," it's always accompanied and defined by active waiting (like in Acts 1 and 2..."Wait/Tarry in Jerusalem until...", and Isaiah 40:31). In other words, there's always something else going on, something on our part that we need to do to prepare for what He will do.

I know to take work, labor and toil seriously because, not to mention at least half of the book of Proverbs, but Paul equates them with faith, hope and love (1 Cor. 13:13 with 1 Thes. 1:3, 3:6 and Proverbs 18:9, NIV). But when it comes down to it, God is the one who gives seed to the sower; He provides for you so you can provide for yourself, your family and anyone you want to bless as well. He is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, and He won't let me think that I can take His job. I have been strong so long in believing that I can provide for my family, and just when it looked like it was getting good, the rug was yanked out from under me.

I had a great job and I was good at it. And in a matter of one day it went from "great job" to "no job". And--boom--just like that, I was no longer "in control" and "providing". No longer was I the "husband and provider" my family signed up for. And it really breaks my heart that I can't "do for them".

I truly know that it will work out and He will do something, but just maybe that is one of my lessons: He is my Provider, and I'm not as strong as I think I am. I not as invincible, not as put-together as I believed. One little lie separated me from my job; that's all it took. I am not as strong as I think I am, but God is stronger than I could ever imagine.

"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.'" --Isaiah 30:15

That verse cuts and gives hope all at once. Salvation is found in repentance and rest; strength comes in quietness and trust. Stilling the clamoring of my soul is not easy, so I would have none of it. Instead, I have strived to provide, only to find that it only takes one little thing for all of it to dissipate. My strength was not in trusting, but in myself. And I am not as strong as I think I am.

I want to be strong in the Lord. I want to rest in the Lord. I want to be stilled and quieted by the Lord. I want to trust in the Lord. I repent for not doing this, and I desire the grace and wisdom to carry it out.

QOTD

From the ancient band, Petra, their song "Rose-Colored Stained Glass Windows":


Look at the rose-colored stained glass windows
Never allowing the world to come in
Seeing no evil and feeling no pain
Making the light, as it comes from within, so dim


Selah, folks. Selah.

Congratulate Amy!

The beautiful Mrs. Farmer has proven herself to be a friendly and quite capable barista at Starbucks. And for her hard work and dedication, she has received a raise--a whopping 14 cents! Send her a note of congratulations when you think of it.

Latte and Crack, Please

Rabbits are funny. When they are excited they do one of two things: run around you in circles to let you know they like you, or hop in the air and kick their back legs out. Sometimes both--at the same time. Reminds me of the crack addict I met in Amsterdam. Really.

Speaking of putting odd things in your body, Kayla decided to try a little rabbit poop today. By the look on her face you'd think it was bitter or something.

Ah, Mac

Let me just say for the record, I love Macs. I love iPods. Easy technology, good graphics, cool stuff. I love the whole stinking deal. No matter how you put it, they do things right. Apple is such a good company; I wish I would have gotten in with them in 2000 when their stocks were $12, instead of the $60 it is now. And Starbucks too. Wish I would have gotten in with them early on, before they hit it big. And before their stock split (in dating, splitting up is bad, but in stocks it's really good).

Just thinking of the wonder of Macs because a friend just took (digital) pictures of the girls today and put them straight on her Mac to clean up before giving them to us. I love technology.

On another subject, I listened to some more old tapes today... Kerry Livgren (aka, the group Kansas), the first Jars of Clay album (yes, there was a tape for it), and the Christian Rock band named Whiteheart (their Tales of Wonder tape with Chris McHugh as the drummer). Good stuff. Oldies (dare I say it?) but goodies. But do good drums and good grooves ever get old? Nah, couldn't be.

QOTD -- Beware: Both Barrels Unloaded Here

In my going and doing, I always love it when a person tells it like it is. Randy Bohlender is one of those rare people. He's funnier than most sitcoms you enjoy, and bolder than most anyone you know. Note: boldness is different than rudeness; if you can't tell the difference, just know that boldness is rooted in having a clear picture of eternity while rudeness is rooted in anything else. Here's the quote of the day, folks.

"Around the world, in what would appear to be the most difficult places, the church flourishes. In the former Soviet block, government camp grounds are being used as revival centers. China’s believers are evangelizing and teaching new believers to live out their faith in persecution while American believers attend services that are patterned after their favorite tv shows because nothing else can hold their attention for an hour."

The $30 Miracle

My wife hasn't had a haircut for quite a while, so she went yesterday. But not just to any place, she tried someplace new (which I understand is risky for women)--the XIPHIUM salon here in KC, which is an AVEDA salon. Now, women know the difference in haircare and beauty products; I do not. If we put it in food terms, with spam being the lowest and steak being the highest, Aveda has the reputation of being the steak and lobster and dessert of beauty products. However, I am pretty much willing to let Amy pamper herself now so twenty years down the road we don't have our neighborhood Nip/Tuck specialist on speed-dial. And their stuff smells good. Plus, my amazing wife is worth it! Every husband knows that if their wife feels like the luckiest, most captivating woman on Earth, the homestead is the happiest, most captivating place to be.

She could have gone to a decent hairdresser and paid the same, but most likely more, and she wouldn't have come out feeling like she was walking on air. Let me list it for you: a free drink when you walk in (supposedly their tea is amazing); a scalp massage with peppermint oil; cut and style; wash, condition and "something else" with really great stuff (all AVEDA obviously); a hot towel face wrap; hand massage; friendly, not-overbearing people; and last but not least, you DON'T tip; all for $30. That's what you call



She walked out feeling like a million bucks and I was the lucky man to receive her into loving arms. Not a bad deal. For either of us.

QOTD

Today's QOTD is from the first chapter in Dwayne's upcoming book, One Thing.

"Many of us, including myself, have thought that doing some kind of Christian work or ministering in a particular way somehow equals having a life in God. We have believed that actions and doing, doing, doing would somehow satisfy the deep longing for the Divine that our Heavenly Father placed inside us. But becoming a pastor is not the end-all … or becoming a missionary … or an apostle, a prophet, a church-planter, soccer coach, retail employee, engineer, or whatever else you want to end this sentence with. Ministry is not the primary purpose of our life in God; God is our purpose for our life in God. Now, don’t hear me saying that the Great Commission is anything less than it really is; remember, I am an evangelist at heart and my desire is for multitudes to come into the Kingdom. All I’m saying is that day in Budapest I quit because my spirit was famished and no amount of ministry fed me.

Everyone reaches a fork in the road, a deciding point. Will you be content with the little you are experiencing with God, or will you press in for more? He gives the little because of His grace, but the deeper things are given as the reward of your diligent pursuit. Everyone gets to this point, but few treat it with the level of significance it demands. Everyone has a calling from heaven. It might be as a lawyer, nurse, or construction worker. But that is not your end; you were not created to do, you were created to be. You were created to be His.

I had gone round and round, trying to figure out which model to use in ministry. Only later would I discover that programs don’t hold the answers for a dead heart. God was starting me over at square one: my heart needed to be alive again and only He could make that happen. At this point of feeling quite bewildered and somewhat empty, the Lord allowed me to see a part of Him I would never have guessed existed: delight in me."

One Thing

As you may know, I am a budding writer and editor. I am certainly not amazing, but I can smith a word or two when someone asks for help. In December of 2004, I was privileged to release my first book, Forerunner Meditations, Volume One. It is a six-month devotional from six different missionaries here at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri (IHOP-KC). They each did a month of meditations/daily thoughts and I served as the editor for the entire work. Being my first attempt, I learned a lot which has since served me well.

This week I completed my second major work (a million thanks goes out to our partner in crime, Abby Underberg) as a ghostwriter for my friend, Dwayne Roberts. His book will be called, One Thing: Boldly Pursuing All That Matters, and will be released in December of 2005 by Relevant Books (the publishing side of Relevant Magazine, a magazine for young adults). Dwayne is one of the leaders here at IHOP, and heads up the regional OneThing conferences that happen every month or so around the US. He’s an incredible man of God, a tender intercessor, and a great husband and father. But most of all, he is a missionary who is in love with God.

His story is pretty incredible: from quitting the ministry, to meeting an American in Budapest to whom God had given a dream about Dwayne two weeks prior, to finally discovering that God’s name is Desire. Whether you are able to relate to his honesty, his story, or his teaching, hopefully you will be drawn closer to the greatest Lover of all time, Jesus.

Dwayne, it was an honor to work with you. Allow me the honor again sometime.

Nostalgia and Progress

VS.




Today I mowed the yard; well, the front yard at least. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no slacker, I just didn’t feel like doing the back yard. But I had a reason. You see, we have two huge trees in our back yard and they are dropping leaves faster than the military drops troops in another country. And yes, the leaves have taken over. I would have to search for and remove every stick and “decorative rock” that our seller so obligingly left for us to deal with, and I just didn’t feel like doing that at the moment. Plus, I was late for something important … Date Night with my Precious wife.

Yesterday I started the front yard but was unable to finish. I wanted some music for my no-thanks-to-Adam garden toiling, however we are one of the few families I know of that doesn’t have at least one iPod™ amongst the ranks. A CD player will skip too much with all the inevitable lawnmower wrangling, and a tape player … well, who has a tape player anymore?!

We do.

Yes, we are one of the few families with a perfectly functional cassette tape player. I may have a nice Apple PowerBook™, but it’s mostly for my job as a writer/editor. It was a gutsy move, and it is paying off finally. I can actually deal with printing companies on their level and I am officially a Mac™ fanatic. Don’t get me started. It’s one of the few non-spiritual things I could actually preach about.

In the recesses of my mind (and some would say I am quite mentally recessed) I remembered that we had a tape player in one of the multitude of boxes still awaiting their final resting place. We just moved into this house two weeks ago and are still going through our stuff. I searched and searched, pining for a way to get a music fix whilst struggling with Adam’s curse. Finally, I happened upon our walkman—a mechanical beast so thick that if you squashed it, I’m sure it would be the size of my 15” laptop. And, yes, I do marvel at the iPod™ Nano and Video iPod™. They are simple works of genius. The American Dream in the palm of your hand: on-demand whatever in an elegant package.

I found a large crate (that was probably used for shipping lobsters at one time) filled to capacity with my old tapes. Another two shoeboxes rounded out my stash. New batteries were handy and earbuds were already in. I was good to go. My first choice: “Hey Doc!” by Mike Warnke, from the early- to mid-‘90’s, a comedian and liar. But aren’t we all? Only his lies were funnier than mine.

Major nostalgia. My progress, on the other hand, wasn’t major. The mower ran out of gas before I got one line cut all the way around the perimeter. Thirty minutes of walkman searching for ten minutes of mowing; pretty lame. But at least I found a little something to remind me of simpler times … times when I had to mow the lawn or I’d be grounded.

Speaking of simpler times, the thing I was running late for was Date Night with my wife, the only angel in slippers that I have ever met. We love our times together and look forward to them with great anticipation. Making her wait while I tried to finish the lawn was bad enough, making her wait while I dabbled in the nostalgic music-seeking was just plain dumb. I am such a guy.

We are stepping into a new and unplanned season of our lives and I can’t imagine doing it without her. I am going to write and edit, she will work at Starbucks™, and we will look into one or two other avenues to provide for our family. At the moment, none involves harming our new rabbit, Latte, but that’s not out of the question. By the way, Thanksgiving’s at our house this year. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know.

QOTD

From my wonderful friend, Alisha Powell, speaking of the after-effects of mouth surgery (ie, only being able to eat through a straw):

"Why is my stomach so tied to my happiness??"

Read the full post here or in the Links to the right.

The Bunny, Budda-Te-Chino

Yes, we've taken the rabbit and begun to make it our own. Thank you, Stef. You are the source of joy for our kids for years to come.

The rabbit's name is Buddy... was Buddy (sorry, Stef), until my wife and I started dreaming up coffee names for him. She suggested, Latte. I suggested, Cappy, the short form of Cappuccino. He is medium brown and white, so any coffee name will do, really. Hmmmm... if we went with a mix of the names... Budda-Te-Chino would work. But then we would sound like those annoying people who order a twenty-syllable drink just so they can sound fancy. News flash--no one is impressed.

In fact, I'm instituting a Barista Bouncer position to take care of all the "challenging patrons" in ye olde coffee shop. "What? I'm sorry... you put more thought into your coffee choice than the names of your children?! How sad. That'll be one medium Folgers for you. Move along, ma'am. Next!"

When our 20-month-old, Kayla, tried to say "latte" it sounded more like "toffee." Close. And very cute. Here's a picture to prove it.

God Is After Our Heart

As far as joining the majority of America working a 9-to-5, I am not doing that right now. But I'm realizing (again) that life is not about my circumstances; it was about my heart when I had the job, and that still is the central issue now that things have changed. It’s not about your circumstances either. It is about your heart because it is the wellspring from which all else flows (Proverbs 4:23)—your outlook on life, your daily attitude, your priorities, goals and dreams. Your heart governs how you spend your time, energy and resources, and what you believe about things like family, right and wrong, justice, and “the great beyond”. That’s why God is after your heart. You can do a lot through will power, but when your heart is moved there’s an otherworldly power released... something kinetic; it’s called love, or desire. Our understanding of romance and longing (even lust, to a degree) is a dim picture of what beats in the heart of God, and it is a taste of what He wants to beat in your heart toward Him.

He wants your heart to be moved, but not just in any direction. He wants you to be moved toward Him because you are famished in a good way. He wants you to take the hunger that resides in your heart and pursue Him with such tenacity that it makes onlookers jealously uncomfortable, stirring them into the same pursuit. In Thomas Dubay’s book, "The Evidential Power of Beauty," the subjects of hunger, fascination, and pursuit are eloquently considered.

"You and I, each and every one of us without exception, can be defined as an aching need for the infinite. Some people realize this; some do not. But even the latter illustrate this inner ache when, not having God deeply, they incessantly spill themselves out into excitements and experiences, licit or illicit. They are trying to fill their inner emptiness, but they never succeed, which is why the search is incessant. Though worldly pleasure seeking never fulfills and satisfies in a continuing way, it may tend momentarily to distract and to dull the profound pain of the inner void. If these people allow themselves a moment of reflective silence (which they seldom do), they notice a still, small voice whispering, Is this all there is? They begin to sense a thirst to love with abandon, without limit, without end, without lingering aftertastes of bitterness. In other words, their inner spirit is clamoring, even if confusedly, for unending beauty. How they and we respond to this inner outreach rooted in our deep spiritual soul is the most basic set of decisions we can make: they have eternal consequences."

“From one man [God] made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.”
—Acts 17:26-27, NIV

The Lord has an enormous plan in the works, and it all springs from His desire to welcome you into eternal love. He determined every miniscule detail about your life, including where and when you would make Earth your home. Class status, race, height, gender... He planned it--all so that you would search and find Him. It is imperative that this generation understand the bigger picture—experiencing the fullness of God—so that during this age and the age to come, you will find Him just as the heroes of the faith have. They lived their lives to interact with and experience His endless depths. In the same way, you are invited to feel, experience, trust and be moved by God. Everything that comes your way—every glory and every pain—is for the purpose of going deeper in your pursuit of Jesus, falling deeper in love with Him.

Job or no job, this is bigger than my current circumstances. He is after my heart. He wants me. Will I allow my circumstances to drive me into His love even more? Or will my heart become one degree colder, darker and harder? May He grant grace. And may I accept.

Bunnicula, Beatrix Potter and Expensive Fur Coats

What do these three things have in common? They all have something to to with bunnies; furry, fluffy, hippity-hoppers. And today we are looking at adopting a bunny.

The girls are asleep and the rabbit, Buddy by name, is on his way over. We've got film in the camera and we can't wait to see their faces when they realize there's a pet in the house.

"I was glad when they said unto me, 'It shall go into its bunny house to take care of its business." That's a loose quote from the Psalms, but the bunny (drumroll, please) is potty-trained and house-friendly. That's right folks, after it eats its rabbit pellets and feels the needs to dispose of said rabbit pellets, it hops right inside its 4x8 foot cage and drops its midget Marines in no-man's land. Then Buddy will emerge, fresh and clean as a spring morning.

You don't bathe bunnies because they don't like to get wet. You don't walk bunnies because they don't need to run off their pent-up energy. All in all, it seems they are low maintenance except for the major shedding that happens twice a year. Without the energy to raise a puppy (it's like having a third kid), or the money to spend on a dog, Buddy looks like the decent option at this point. Low maintenance, self-cleaning, house-trained and cute. Sounds like a winner.

QOTD

One of my friend's kids looked out the front window of their car as they were driving and spoke the truth of the ages:

"That's funny... you'll never be in front."

Lost: One 40-hour-a-week Job

The other day I lost my job as a security officer. I was fired. From a cake job, no less. That's pretty rough. You may ask, how do you lose a job that consists of sitting on your butt? It's simple. Someone lied about me.

I really don't want to go into details about the event, except to say that I'm a bit hurt by the whole thing. Actually, I was outraged until I got ahold of myself. Then I figured out that it may have taken me by surprise, but not God. He knew it would happen and that gives me a certain amount of peace you can't buy.

Regardless what I think about the situation, God has been taking care of me since before I was aware of His existence; He's more than able to take care of me now. I've got to put my energy into what I know to do and see what He does from there.

As soon as my supervisor called me in, my wife, Amy, said, "There's something more going on here than what we can see. The whole situation seems to be other than what is actually being said. It's gotta be supernatural--something we can't change even if we wanted to. God's totally got something going on here."

Truth is, I've been working on some writing, proofreading and editing jobs lately. It's one of the few things I actually want to do for a very long time. Maybe this is the time to go for it. It could be the kick in the pants we need to get going for real.

What happens when God kicks out every crutch you've been hobbling along with for so long? What happens when you don't have a leg to stand on--and God is the one moving all the chess pieces? Hmmmmm...

This week in God: "Gimpy Grace."

Tune in next week for, "Are You Dead Yet? The Joyful Geriatric."